Friday, February 24

Where I Belong

I've decided that I think I belong in the Desert. I'm facinated by it. I at least want to visit it. A lot of my favorite characters in Manga/Anime came from the desert. Raven from Zoids:CC is pretty much my absolute favorite...and he spent most of his time in the desert. Gaara---sand---desert. Speaks for itself. I feel it pulling me sometimes. I've never even been to a desert. I know it's supposed to be really, really hot, sandy, windy. Most people don't like it. But I want to go there. To a desert, to a desert canyon, I want to find out who I am. I guess I've always felt like I don't know, but that doesn't stop me from day to day, I don't think.
I'm not sorry that I do what I do. I want to live my life with no regrets, which is probably one reason I look up to my facebook friend Kheir. That's how he wants to live, too. I don't want to regret anything. I can't say that I do don't. I've given it all long thought, and the only thing I regret is losing my mother so early. And I don't have much regret for that because it wan't my fault. I used to regret not telling her that I didn't want her to go. I still remember when she walked out the door, I had the feeling that she wasn't coming back. I ignored it, shrugged it off, but I was right. She never walked back through my back door again. I still remember the way the light hit the golden door handle. It reflected the afternoon sunlight. The day was bright, and the sun shone through the windows like a white light, pure. I wish I could still see her a lot. She was what really kept me in line, and without her I wander aimlessly sometimes. I look in the mirror sometimes and hate myself because I can see her looking back at me. My voice is so close to hers. I guess it's a nice reminder for my dad, because he says it's a good thing. I wonder...if she could do it over again...would she live her life like I live mine?
My ultimate goal is happiness. My ultimate truth is Entropy. I firmly believe in loving everyone, even people you can't stand. I don't condone violence, but I love violent video games and movies. I've struggled to get here, and I still feel so far away, so far behind...there is only one way to go.


At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup. You can only go forward. Go forward and don't look back.

At 9:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Whatever tommorow brings I'll be there."

Good luck, and I'll be here if you need me.


PS: you coming down for Spring Break? We should hang out if so.


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