Thursday, October 13

A Perfect Circle

You know that when you're listening to A Perfect Circle as much as I're not feeling too great. It makes me feel better to listen to them though. Maynard has the best voice ever.
It would be a lie to say that it doesn't hurt. I would be lying to you if I told you that I didn't care what she did. I lied to her about it. It kind of sucks that I'm being reminded of the best thing to do in this situation by a manga....I have to consider HER feelings. If I care about her...I'll do that. And I DO care about her, but I lied to her and told her that it didn't hurt for her to leave me, for us to break it off, for her to go to him.........sometimes I hate him. But he'll take good care of her, and she doesn't need me anymore. She still tells me that she loves me, but that hurts, too. Because I'm really alone now. I really am. She's got him, he's got her.....I've got a friend, but that's not the same. I know I shouldn't ponder over a romantic life so much, but sometimes I just feel so alone. I just want someone to understand me.....*laughter*....but no one ever will. Supposedly because I won't let anyone in. And I still refuse to let anyone in who doesn't understand the pain, comprehend my imagination, and feel a great amount of passion for something.
I'll let him in if he understands the pain of death, can shrug things off by pretending, can see the some of the same colors I do, isn't afraid to tell me how he feels....*huge laughter* He doesn't exist.
I'll just keep going on this road until I hit a brick wall. Not likely, and if I do...I'll just find a way around. I always do. So, my friends, until we meet again....I'm not okay.



At 8:15 PM, Blogger Willow said...

Why did you lie to me? Dammit, Haru-chan! How dare you! I try to be totally truthful to you about how I feel, and you go and do that?! I'm insulted, as well as hurt deeply. I can't believe you'de think that I don't need you! Are you FUCKING CRAZY??? You're my best friend in this world, in this lifetime! Jesie, I LOVE you! DOn't you understand that? You are never alone, EVER! I'm always here for you! you think I honestly WANTED to break it off with you? I...::cries::...I honestly don't know what else to say. I can't believe you'd do that to me, or to your self. I don't give a rats ass about my own feelings, baby! I care about how YOU feel! Jeezus! It hurts me to know that I hurt you. I never intended to. Hate him all you want, and for god sakes, you should be hating me. I really had no right. I...I...
I'm sorry.
I...gotta go. Write me soon, k?



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