Tuesday, August 23


I figured it out...why I'm depressed today, I mean. I was thinking about Mom. I was thinking about losing her. I was thinking about how I relate to characters in books and on TV who have lost their mothers, and wondering if the authors really know what that FEELS like. Probably not. You can't imagine.
Tsukasa was my favorite character from .hack//SIGN because the player of Tsukasa was actually a girl, although her character in The World was a boy. And when she was litte she lost her mother. Fits me perfect, I think. We say we want to be alone because we don't want anyone else to feel the pain, but really we just want someone there to share it with. We can't share it, though, because it hurts too much. It's way too personal. It's too dangerous. The only people who can understand are the ones who have gone through it, and even then it's a hard burden to share.
Edward Elric...same thing. Lost his mother. Wanted her back. Would do anything to get her back. DID do anything to get her back. He paid the price. I'd pay it, too, if I had the chance. I would have done the exact same thing...I dream about it all the time.
I've got a picture of Mom and me, when I was a baby...it's taped to the corner of my desk, just above my laptop. She's smiling. She was happy. I'm glad I could make her happy just by being born. She always made me happy as much as she could.
Jimmy Eat World has a song. I like the whole song, but the line I feel like I relate to most is this one right now:
"...I never said thank you for that. Now I'll never have a chance. May angels lead you in..."
Maybe if I listen to that song I'll feel better.

It's lonely on this side of Sorrow.
The darkness fades from black to blacker.
Tears are the only shimmer in the shadows.
And a broken heart is a terrible thing to share.



At 1:25 PM, Blogger Willow said...

::hugs you:: I hope you feel a bit happier, or better, or something in the uplifted-spirit category soon. ^_^. I love you, and you know your mom does too, forever.


At 8:45 AM, Blogger SilverRevealed said...



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